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Why do people cheat? Even those in happy marriages? And what can affairs help us understand about intimacy?
We tend to think that the act of infidelity is the ultimate betrayal. We judge those who commit transgressions. We shroud them in shame. We dismiss them, label them, categorize them as “cheaters.” And largely, we do so, without a complete understanding of infidelity.
In this episode of the podcast, Tony sits down with world-renowned couples therapist and relationship expert, Esther Perel, to discuss what makes relationships work, what makes them fall apart – and what we aren’t understanding about infidelity.
Esther is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and provocative voices on personal and professional relationships. A celebrated couples therapist who has helmed a private practice in New York City since 1983, she has over three decades experience navigating the intricacies of love and desire. Her international bestseller Mating in Captivity has been translated into twenty-six languages. Perel is a dynamic and provocative speaker on the international stage, with two critically praised TED talks that have reached over 17 million viewers. She has consulted on the Golden Globe-winning Showtime series The Affair and is also Executive Producer and host of the Audible Original Series “Where Should We Begin?”, in which she broadcasts intimate one-off counseling sessions with real-life couples. Perel has been featured in publications across five continents, including the New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, Le Monde, The Guardian, The New Yorker, and Vogue. She is also a frequent guest on radio and television shows, including NPR’s Brian Lehrer Show, Oprah, The Today Show, Dr. Oz, and The Colbert Report.
Over the past ten years, Esther has traveled the world, working closely with hundreds of couples who are struggling to cope with infidelity. She has seen the devastation such betrayal can cause. And she drew upon these experiences, her research and her expertise to write her latest book: The State of Affairs, where she reveals why even happy people cheat and why we shame those who stay with partners who have been unfaithful.
In this episode, Esther and Tony invite the audience into an honest, enlightened exploration of modern marriage. What you learn may surprise you, as they challenge assumptions, uproot conventional wisdom, and offer a nuanced look at affairs from multiple viewpoints. Even if you have never experienced infidelity in a relationship, odds are you know someone who has. This episode will not only allow you to approach the subject of betrayal with much more empathy and understanding, it will give you a deeper look at our basic human needs, and why we do the things we do when it comes to intimate relationships.
For almost 40 years, Tony has been obsessed with learning the answer to what makes a difference in quality of people’s lives. And he’s worked with more than 50 million people from every walk of life – from some of the world’s most powerful leaders to individuals who have struggled to overcome dire circumstances.
Tony doesn’t teach people just to solve their problems, he helps them solve what caused the problems in the first place – digging into their fundamental beliefs, values and goals. Because that’s where the breakthrough happens.
In this new series of the Tony Robbins Podcast, we are going to be taking you to events like Date with Destiny, UPW and Business Mastery – where you’ll have a front row seat to some of these life-changing breakthroughs.
In this episode, you are going to hear Tony work with Aly. For a lifetime, Aly was fed toxic thoughts from her mother – thoughts she allowed control her life. And as a result, she’s struggled with intimacy, and has moved from relationship to relationship, encountering the same problems.
Tony works with Aly to answer her fundamentally unquestioned thoughts – why she believes certain things, why she expects certain things, and why she behaves in certain ways. He helps her see that her suffering doesn’t just come from the past – it comes from her choice to allow certain beliefs to guide her life. And that if she wants to shift out of pain and loneliness, it’s time to let go of those old thoughts and start living in a way that opens her up to true love.
[Contains mature themes] They’ve been together for more than a decade, but this isn’t the first time they’ve separated. Stuck in a cycle of explosive escalations, a husband and wife want to make it work but can’t break their habit of going for the emotional jugular. Esther encourages them to start their conversations differently.
Why do we have a tendency to hold on to the past? Why do we continue to let the most painful experiences in our lives not only influence, but control our future? And what would life look like if we were able to let go of the past, shed the stories that we carry with us and move forward in a way that is untethered to the pain?
Welcome to the Tony Robbins Podcast. In this episode of the real breakthrough series, we’re diving into a particularly sensitive subject – letting go of past trauma.
Some of you may have endured unspeakable trauma in your lives. But as horrific as these experiences were, you may continue to hold on to them, fervently at times. Because letting go can be terrifying.
But holding on has profound consequences of its own. We continue to give the pain power. We keep cords of energy tied to the people that hurt us. We even let these terrible experiences become part of our identity.
In this episode, you’re going to hear from JoLynn – a woman who endured tremendous trauma in her past. And for years, decades even, she allowed that pain to dictate her life. She lived in a story of hurt, and she suffered massively because of it. But by working with Tony, she was able to step outside of that pain and gain a new level of understanding and perspective. And in a moment, she broke through to the other side – where she was able to let go, find forgiveness and choose a life of love and appreciation.
We all encounter challenges in our relationships, some more serious than others, but it’s how we handle them that ultimately matters.For many of us, when we feel pain, we tend to blame our partners. We criticize, close up. We avoid them, ignore them. All to play a game of who’s wrong and who’s right. But when you truly love someone – it doesn’t matter who’s wrong or who’s right. In fact, blame only takes our power away, and excuses only cause us to continue hurting each other.
Welcome back to the Tony Robbins Podcast. On today’s episode of the Real Breakthrough Series, we’re taking you back to Date With Destiny where Tony is working with Teresa and John, a couple fighting their way out of a painful past and trying to figure out a path towards a healthier, happier future.
While Teresa and John have made substantial progress since dealing with infidelity, they still struggle when it comes to constructive communication. They slip back into old ways, making excuses for their behavior and shirking responsibility for their actions. But it’s clear they are still deeply in love, and are committed to finding a better way.
Tony helps them see that if you’re having problems in your relationship, and feeling pain, it’s because you’re focused on yourself, not your partner. He helps them see that you can’t continue to focus on what you’re not getting, and what your partner’s not giving you. Because if you want to build an extraordinary relationship, you need to tear up the rules and start holding yourself 100% accountable for your experience.
One of the most important decisions you could ever make is the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with. Yet so many of us make this decision with blinders on – ignoring some of the most glaring red flags. And it is these red flags that often become very real issues in the relationship, and can lead you down a path of pain, suffering and heartbreak.
In this episode of the Real Breakthrough Series, we’re going back to one of Tony’s most intimate events, where he’s working with participants on building extraordinary relationships. While it may not sound particularly romantic, Tony shows us why love and passion are not the only things that matter when choosing your partner. In fact, he explains just why we must make a concerted effort to choose our partners consciously. And he even offers up the three most critical questions that we must ask ourselves when we are considering this important decision.
Love is not enough. It’s vital. And it’s what life partnerships are built upon. But in the end, it’s not enough. Because opposites may attract, but it’s those with similarities that bond. And if you’re looking to build a lifetime partnership – you must remember that the right person and the right connection are everything.
[Contains mature themes] After a discovery in her doctor’s office, a woman realizes her husband has been unfaithful. While betrayed and angry, she still feels a desire to stick it out for the sake of the kids. He, meanwhile, is desperate to find a way back to her. Esther takes them back to their upbringings and the years before the infidelities to find a place of mutual compassion.
How many times in your life have you set expectations for yourself? Perhaps you believed you would have achieved a number of goals by a certain time. Or maybe you expected that you’d be married by a certain age. Or that your relationship would last a lifetime. While it’s admirable to set goals, and aspire to find love and connection, it’s also dangerous to tie our happiness to our expectations. Because when reality doesn’t meet our expectations, we often find ourselves lost, confused and in pain.
Welcome back to the Tony Robbins Podcast where we are continuing our breakthrough series – taking you to events like Date with Destiny, UPW and Business Mastery, where you’ll have a front row seat to life-changing transformations.
And in this episode, you are going to hear Tony work with Dano. Dano has been with his partner for decades. They’ve built a family and a life together, but they are finding themselves at a crossroad. He’s deeply in love, and struggling to let go, blaming himself for the relationship’s trajectory.
Tony works with Dano to take a new perspective on his relationship, and to learn how to trade his expectations for appreciation. They delve into what it means to be truly masculine in this trying situation and why loving his partner ultimately means letting her go.
One of the most fascinating subjects at Date with Destiny is polarity – the masculine and the feminine. It’s the key to creating lasting passion in a relationship, and to establishing not just love, but a deep intimate connection with your partner.
For many couples, the passion and excitement that was once present in the beginning of the relationship fizzles over time. So while they may still have plenty in common, and enjoy doing things together or even share loving moments, they don’t have the electricity and magnetism that they desire.
Why is this story so familiar? In many cases, it comes down to polarity. Because under certain circumstances, men and women will put on the mask of the opposite energy. For example, when stressed, women put on masculine energy as a protection source. And if she is with a masculine male, then the opportunity for passion and connection is non-existent.
To help you understand the role of the masculine and feminine energies, and how to break out of the masks and help yourself and your partner get back to the true self, we are sharing an exclusive look at a previous Date with Destiny event. In this episode, you will witness Tony’s work with a couple struggling to regain the polarity in their relationship, and how a few simple shifts in perspective and beliefs help them achieve an intimacy and connection that brings true fulfillment and happiness to their lives.
To learn more about Date With Destiny visit: http://www.tonyrobbins.com/events/date-with-destiny
Find out more about Tony Robbins: I Am Not Your Guru at: https://www.tonyrobbins.com/documentary/
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